That's One Spicy Meatball
by okeydokeyworld
Summary: Where Riptide is frustrated, Shaw meets aliens, and thinks of Italian food, Charles is proud and angry, but still loses his legs, and Erik gets his wish, and destroys all the humans. One-shot, You have to read to understand! Story is the first in my series of; Ridiculous X-Men Tales.
1. That's One Spicy Meatball

DISCLAIMER **(Charles Xavier manipulates my mind ) (okey ): "I do not own X-men...and the Wolverine is hot" (Wolverine pops claws) (okey):"AHHHH!"**

* * *

"Charles behind you! " Charles dropped to the sandy ground, out of the path of the oncoming hurricane .Riptide watched in annoyance as his hurricane sailed harmlessly past the telepath,  
Erik grinned in relief.  
"Erik, help!" screamed Raven's voice ,Erik turned and ran towards the shape-shifter,  
Raven had took shelter from Shaw, behind what had formerly been the X-men's ship , but Shawn was steadily advancing , blowing up anything that stood between him and her.  
Erik levitated a metal I- beam and sent it hurtling into Shaw's chest, Shaw fell, and Erik used the same I-beam to whack him back into the diplatated remains of Shaw's own submarine.  
Mustering all the strength he could, Erik raised the submarine, searched for the point between serenity and rage, and sent the sub rocketing towards the heavens.  
Alex and Banshee stared in amazement as the submarine defied the natural laws of gravity,  
Charles was dancing around in glee ,pointing at the retreating sub ,and saying at intervals, while also pointing at Erik,  
"I taught him that!".  
Shaw flew upward at tremendous speed ,trapped inside a two-ton body of metal that was set on a collision course for the sun.  
Down below, Erik waited for the explosion that would announce his enemy's death ,but he had however, forgotten one important point, Shaw was a mutant that absorbed energy  
The submarine crashed into the sun ,immediately vaporizing , Shaw just took a deep breath, and waited as his own ship melted around him .  
Shaw would say the taste was like an ultra-spicy Italian meatball, but in due course he managed to absorb the entire sun .  
Shaw burped, "excuse me " he said to a passing alien ship.  
Below, on the now darkened Planet Earth, Erik stared in amazement at the sky, no one spoke, until... "Erik Lensherr! what the BLOODY HELL HAPPENED!" screamed Charles , it was now pitch dark and as Charles stumbled around looking for Erik (preferably to do terrible things to his mind ) the telepath tripped.  
Erik waved his hand nonchalantly "Aw,we are mutants, we'll survive," he said. " But the humans might not be as lucky , but that's just collateral damage ,right?".  
Charles groaned "My legs " he whimpered.

 **AN: Yes I know what you all are thinking, it's something along the lines of "what the Bloody Hell" as Charles put it.  
But if you are any type of X-men fan, send me a review , and we can share Wolverine . (Runs away screaming from the Wolverine)  
Think I should write a sequel?**


	2. Wine and Weddings

**Second drabble, in the Ridiculous X-Men Tales.**

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The Wolverine, at other times known as Logan or James, came dashing down the halls of Xavier mansion in a Tuxedo, humming "Here comes the Bride" loudly.  
Professor X, at other times known as Charles Xavier, stuck his head out the door of his study.  
"Logan what in the world are you doing!" yelled Charles.  
"I'm getting married!" Logan screamed back joyfully, Charles perpetrated a double take, "What?" he asked in shock.  
Logan continued his wild run until he bumped, (literally), into Scott. "I told you she needed a man!" sing-songed Logan, then ran on.  
Scott stared after him in horror, Logan burst into the gardens, and found Storm and Kitty bending over a row of tulips.  
"Come with me!" Logan yelled, grabbing their hands and pulling them away.  
Clouds in the shape of question marks appeared over Storm's head.

Next, Jubilee, and a shocked Bobby was abducted, Rouge followed, demanding that her boyfriend be released.  
Soon, pretty much the whole Xavier mansion was seated outside, on rows of chairs on the expansive front lawn.  
And Logan was standing on the steps of the mansion looking overjoyed.  
A very confused Kitty was holding a pair of wedding rings.  
A the pastor of the nearest church was beside Logan.  
The Professor was holding his head and muttering.  
Frankly, the spectacle _scared people.  
_  
"Scott, would you give away the bride?" Logan called down cheerfully. People gaped in shock, Logan never sounded _cheerful.  
_ Scott erupted into a torrent of profanity, and Jean Grey, who was adorned in a wedding dress and carrying a titanic bouquet of flowers, walked up to Logan.  
"Dearly Beloved" begin the pastor "We are gathered here today..." suddenly Jean began to change, her tanned skin melting away into blue scales,  
and her eyes turning yellow.  
"What is going on here?" said Mystique, looking in horror at Logan. At that moment, the real Jean stumbled in and threw herself into Scott's arms.  
"Scott dear " said Jean, "don't ever let me drink that much again, I almost promised to marry Logan".  
"NOOOO!" screamed Logan.  
Raven looked at Charles in disgust, "these are your better men?" she said.  
"You disguised as Jean to steal from me !" Charles shot back. "so who is the better men?".  
Raven threw down her bouquet and stomped off, "no sis, come back I'm sorry!" Charles screamed after her.

"Jean whyyy! I loved you!" sobbed Logan faintly, as Scott carried Jean away, so she could sleep off her hangover.

Finis


End file.
